Not long ago Bruno Mars decided to sing it would rain in case his “baby” would leave him, and oh boy, has it not been pounding Nairobi. If you know Nairobi well you would know that when it rains either, vehicles expand or roads shrink, anyway both could be proven scientifically, first with the shrinking hair when ladies are rained on and the bulging potato in biology. The preposterous one is the thought touts have that money grows in pockets when it rains. You wouldn’t blame them now, would you? After all plants grow when it rains, see what I mean? If I knew “baby” I would ask her to run back to Bruno Mars before this rain causes more havoc, or better still ask Bruno to exclude Nairobi from the raining areas until we find leaders willing to pull on a gumboot and work on our drainage system. Jeez have you seen what the city roads look like every evening, we would have pool parties almost everywhere in Nairobi.
I really don’t care what the rains do a lot of the times, after all there is still a sense of excitement in me that isn’t going away any soon. You remember my 60 days of upright curves? Yeah they had an after sale service which some would call after effects and I am really liking it. My problem only started this morning when I majestically walked into Uchumi and straight got to the umbrella section and without a second thought picked up one of those things. Not only did I exchange it with two bottles of tusker, which really hurts me considering it is a Friday, but it also compromised my being a man. This isn’t just me, but you should have seen the look in the chiq sited nets too me in the “mat” to town as she sneered at my water dripping face.
I will not however mourn the two bottles of tusker I lost because there is more to this rain than meets the eye. Take for instance last week, after waiting for transportation home for more than an hour a “mat” appears and the tout screams “South C 150”. I have not known of rain and its hunger washing ability up till that day. The thing I was feeling in my stomach suddenly disappeared and I had enough energy to keep me waiting for another two hours before I left town. Mark you I had not had lunch, you wouldn’t have expected me to have anyway, c’mon it was the last week of the month. If you know the “walkable” distance from town to South C, you’d understand why the hunger disappeared.
Another reason I won’t mourn my brown bottles is the added time I get to sit in a vehicle as I go back home from work. If you grew up in “gichagi” like I did and you were not lucky enough to have a dad who owned a jalopy, you’d feel me a hundred per cent. Sitting in these man-made structures for hours excites us as we reminisce the times our schoolmates from big towns would tell us “nganya” stories. Many are the times I remember counting way more than twelve months before having a feel of a car’s inside. In the “gichagi” I grew up in we’d walk for miles and on top of it with heavy “gunias” of “shamba” produce, more reason why 150 shillings to South C for me is preposterous. Never mind that I have still had to pay it, they call it transformation, it happens quite fast when you are alone among many.
Let’s shift the focus from me and look at what the rain has for the general population. Do they not say that we shouldn’t be self-centred? Let me try being self-peripheral. How many types of boots have you seen in town in these past few weeks, don’t you think the hot sun earlier in the year must have been a great inconvenience to the owners? Ladies have taken advantage of this season to have a “boots fest” in Nairobi, woe unto all who have not invested in a trench coat before, coz the trend is like a train on the move and if they aren’t inside then they will never catch up. The fact that the horse hair on their heads gets smelly with the rain can be overlooked. I know a lot of my dude friends though who are complaining of the overly covered feet. Summer has something for “eyeland” meets “thighland” you know.
There we have it, I may have tusker less two bottles for an umbrella I’m not sure will get home this evening…eerrr…better still let’s make it tomorrow morning, but the rain has a lot positive for me and the female population of Nairobi. I’m yet to figure out what it has for the rest of the male population but oh, it still gives you the opportunity to prove you are a man by not carrying an umbrella with you. Maybe try throwing a few lines when one of these creatures with dead rained on cats on the head offer an umbrella lift. You never know maybe your left rib is hidden under that dead cat, and one day you’ll thank the rains for having brought it back, won’t you? So when it rains this evening like I’m sure it will don’t sulk, smile at all the blessings it falls with. This is why I won’t bother looking for Bruno Mars’ “baby” anymore. You’ll thank me for this right?