Life has a funny way of teaching us the various lessons that lie in it. I choose to call them insights and to me each occurrence in life has a special lesson that lies therein. I was born, raised, went through kindergarten, or as my village would call it nursery school. I was lucky enough to attend a primary school with pupils from diverse backgrounds and a high school that opened up my mind and taught me how to handle the toughest of challenges in life. Anyone who attended St. Mary’s School Yala would tell you what the borehole experience was for a “Jabao”, one among very many challenges. As if that wasn’t enough I got the opportunity to attend uni with people from who I derive a lot of inspiration, the criticisms, advice, hate and even the acts that happened while I interacted with each and every one of them, intended and not intended.
Maybe it looks like it is a lot for one to learn from, or depending on what others have and are going through nothing at all. But as I went through all that I guess there is one lesson I never learnt – I’m human. Through and through I have been a relatively quiet person; I only was noisy when in uni. All the time I never wanted to offend a single living being, not even the tiny ants that cross the paths we use every day. I have friends who say I like to please everyone, I don’t think I do, I simply want to be the best there is for everyone, at least play my bit in ensuring the world grows into a better place.
Then comes a time when life dictates that you have to be serious, that time when trial and error is no longer an option in handling life issues. This phase comes with a lot of changes, some pleasant, some not so pleasant and for the non-pleasant ones woe unto them who share a bit of life with you coz this affects relationships a great deal. And I think I am right inside this phase, if I were asked to give it a name I would choose to call it “finding myself” and the first thing I have realized is that, I am human after all.
I have realized that in me lies a being that can really hurt others, that there is a being that can carelessly throws words around without being sensitive to others feelings, that there is a being in me that is capable of disappointing. I have seen the being in me that not only violate other people’s expectations of me but also violate the very expectations I have of me. I have noted that there is a being in me that is selfish and will tend to think of them first before they consider what implication an action would have on others. I have come across a being in me who wrings tears out of others eyes, or is it hearts? I have interacted with a being in me who I thought never existed, then that was them but I realize I am also like them.
I am making resolutions though, that I do not want this being to affect me, I do not want the human in me to affect my goals, to mess with my purpose in life, to alter my dreams and change the course of the path I had drawn to my future. That is why, even with the not so encouraging realization, I won’t change my goal in life. I still want to be the best, I want to be the best son, I want to be the best brother, and I want to be the best nephew, the best grandson and the best cousin. I still want to remain the best friend and most importantly the best boyfriend, I want to be the best enemy anyone would ever have if any ever considers me that. With changing phases, of late I want to be the best employee and the best colleague and even the best tenant a house owner ever comes across.
Yes, I am human, just like every other person is but I want to be the best human there is.