Living a wish… to leave…

I wish I had an answer why it takes this long to pull my tiny body out of bed, not because I snoozed, no, because the knee couldn’t let me. Because my feet got too stiff to even fold at the joints. I wish I had an answer why the migraines are this strong. I wish I had an answer why it takes forever to walk from the parking lot to the office. I wish I had an answer to why everyone looks at me as I walk, why the guards won’t bother frisking me when I enter the mall. I wish I had an answer to what happened…

I wish I had an answer to why I started growing inversely, to the question that each classmate in campus asks me. I wish I had an answer to why I am half the size I was three and a half years back. I wish I had an answer to the wind when it wants to blow me away, to the guy who wants to pass through the rotating doors at Stanley at the same time as I. I wish I had an answer to the shirts and pants that wear me today that I wore sometime back. I wish I had an answer to what happened…

I wish I had an answer to the quiet moments, the bloodshot eyes days that look confused. I wish I had an answer to the appetite less days, the mornings when the sight of milk causes nausea. I wish I had an answer to the psyche less afternoons, those that being manual makes more sense. I wish I had an answer to why I can’t think beyond the worries that cloud my head, clouds that threaten to fall in teary rain. I wish I had an answer to what happened…

I wish I had an answer to why all others look afloat, why this sea seems to have only one individual at the bottom. I wish I had an answer to why I can’t seem to get hold of the floater, let alone understand why I never had the opportunity to learn how to swim when I was supposed to. I wish I had an answer to why no one wants to hold my hand to get me to the surface, why those I look up to seem to only push me back in when I struggle to get my head above the water at least for a breath. I wish I had an answer to what happened…

I wish I had an answer to why that call adds to the weight of my heart, why the texts get me cringing and my fingers shaking. I wish I had an answer to why what were beautiful sights have turned into eyesores. I wish I had an answer to why what were comfortable rides are now bumpy pulls along the potholed road. I wish I had an answer to why I sat to write tonight. I wish I had an answer to what happened…

I wish I had an answer, I wish I knew what happened, but I can’t keep wishing, It’s time to leave a wish

wishful_thinking_sketch_by_nuranooni-d47qsfu.jpg

wishful_thinking_sketch_by_nuranooni-d47qsfu.jpg

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