Closing on chapter 24…

“To read without reflecting is like eating without digesting.” -Edmund Burke

 

Image source: mediawebapps.com

Time for some reflection, I wouldn’t like to get my life constipated simply coz I refused to reflect. I have been reading a very sad chapter this recent past. A chapter that has been characterized by a lot. That one chapter that almost gets you dropping the book and saying ‘that’s it’ but something gets you going, reminding you why you first picked the book from the shelves.

It is the chapter that has the ‘fresh’ orphan crying as they head into the forest. This just after seeing their parents slain by what they would call neighbors. In this chapter he runs into the dark of the forest, not knowing where he is going but he has to run as fast as his tiny legs can carry him, his eyes can’t see anything in the dark of the night but this doesn’t scare him anymore. His hopes lie in the fact that his cries are too loud; he can’t even hear the sounds of the wild.

It is that chapter that has the hungry widow sited in front of her house watching hot water boil in the pot. Her eyes are set on the long winding road ahead of her. She checks to see whether her son might be coming home with anything. They haven’t had anything down their throats for the last three days. When the son comes back home its same old. Nothing to bring home even after 10 hours of waiting by the roadside. As the light of the firewood dies off, they drift into sleep too, empty tummies but full of hope that tomorrow will be a better day.

It is the chapter that has the poor man walking home after work. Clenching hard his hand that holds the one hundred shillings he has earned all day. It is all he has to take home to his wife and children and that’s why he walks five kilometers. The middle class look at him from the windows of the purple buses with sneers and the rich splash the water in the puddles at him with their 4×4’s and whizz past. He has done well at least today they will eat and he enters the slum with a smile only to be attacked at his doorstep. The two men disappear into the dark of the night with the only money he had and leave him with a panga cut on his shoulder. He struggles into his house, wounded and in pain, but his heart is at rest because he has a wife to tend to his wounds and children to empathize with him. He has family!

It is the chapter that has the family that awaits the discharge date. They have spent a lot of hours awake, looking for money and visiting one of their own in hospital. They have spent a lot to ensure they gave him the best medication they could. They have travelled distances to ensure he gets to the best hospitals they can afford. But just as they get back home to prepare for the ‘comeback’ they get the ‘I am sorry’ call. But they do not lose hope because they have faith and faith tells them that we shall all meet in yonder.

I can’t tell what chapter 25 holds but I am glad I am done with this chapter that always had me clenching my heart and holding back tears. And just like all who have hope I hope that the weight  this chapter carried will wipe the dark cloud hovering above and give way to at least a ray of sunshine…….. 

When life offers a bonus

When my friend started his blog, he thought his first post would be about “Ye of little faith”. Today, I sit and wonder, “I’m I one of them with little faith?”

When the year started, I told my old lady this would be a year of faith, a year that would see me not use walking sticks ever again. It isn’t easy when after covering three quarters of the year, running around in hustles and bustles that come with life’s changing phases, you suddenly develop the dreaded limp.

When the morning comes and everyone wakes up to the beautiful bird songs, yet the first thing that jostles you up is the numbness that engulfs the lower limbs, it isn’t easy. waking up in the morning and the much you can feel of your body is only up to the knee. The sight of everyone else running around town trying to keep office hours, as you snail through town changing “matatus”. Limping across streets, every once so often escaping the driver who doesn’t care about your limp.

When in the office, you are the guy known for being active, shuffling from one desk to another, trying to sort out any tech issue. When one knee confines you to your desk, yet with no guarantee that the eight hours will be painless but rather with an assurance that the folded knee will be cause more than mega pain, then you are sure you have a bonus. The only time you get off your desk is home time because the simple thought of the excruciating pain as you walk to the washrooms, kills all inside you, including that which presses.

When the evening drizzle is bound to get you drenched, as you limp through traffic, with no support because you left the walking sticks miles away in belief that they would be of no use at all, when hopping into a “matatu” home isn’t as easy a task as it always is, with people shoving around, at times subjecting you to two hours of wait at the bus stop. Then life must be offering more than the usual. When the signature “shukisha” is accompanied by a big sigh, because the “ride” in the “matatu” causes more pain than a hammer would while hitting the knee cap.

When each call in the evening, that would always give smiles only sets you battling tears, when their voices tell you how much they wish they could do something but the distances dictate otherwise. When each question asked only reminds you of the agony the joint down there causes.  There would be no explanation other than life is giving an extra special treatment.

When the bed you have always loved, sets you imagining pain felt just before people walk down the streets yonder. When each night you swallow a pill, not because it will kill your pain or make you feel better but because it will shut down your systems and turn you into a log. Then life, has given you what no other person has experienced before.

When this my friends, is what yesterday was like,  is what today is bound to be and maybe what tomorrow will be. You gather the strength to sit and write, to limp and brave the rain. Battle the tears and patiently sit through traffic even as pain tortures. Live in the house alone and get the company of solitude, yet still jump into bed despite not being sure how long pain and sleep will battle, and not knowing who will get to win. Despite all, I know I emerge strong because life has offered me a bonus, bonus strength, bonus faith and a bonus spirit that sees me hope that come tomorrow, no one will have to rid me of my foot just to save me of this pain.

The light that sips through the gathered clouds to bring forth the rainbow beauty

If you’ve ever applied for a job you would understand a “weird” feeling I have been developing of late, quite so often maybe, I should say every morning, noon and in the evening. Reminds me of a song I sang in lower primary that went “urugushwo * 2 urugushwo roshine urugushwo …… urugushwo ona whaine!” Don’t ask me what it meant and just for the record that isn’t my native language. Digression! back to jobs, vacancies and applications. Not so long ago I was forced by circumstances to edit my C.V. and most specifically the “occupation” part. What had always read “student” changed to something else which I will not say for fear of being laughed at…or maybe not, for fear of being sought for free consultancy. I must warn that I am very good at what I do; if you’ve always thought you were the best in whatever industry I am in, you better reconsider that.

With change of this status came the need to get into a task many dread, what they call to tarmac, I wonder why people are so scared of it, the Chinese do it every other time on our roads and it makes our driving much easy. Better watch your English the next time you call it that, and to add on that, I wonder why they choose to call it that yet no one even walks anymore looking for a job, maybe they should call it to internet. Oh! and just so you know my eyes have developed an affinity for the word “vacancy” and you should see my hands when they go typing “I am a self-driven, flexible….” phrase, I don’t even have to spell check I know where all those letters lie on my keyboard. This brings me to the feeling I was talking about earlier. When I posted it on twitter it went like “that stupid feeling of ‘I know that is mine’ when you send a job application”

It is this stupid feeling that I am talking about, that feeling of having sat in an office already before you have even been invited for an interview, that feel of “that is our company vehicle” every time you meet a branded vehicle that belongs to a company you have made an application to. For some of us we are pretty lucky to have a place to go to every morning and add a bulge to your pockets as you go about this activity. At times lucky enough to even get into some of those offices you envisage in your mind. My friend called this hope, I really hope it is hope I know, don’t tell me I put in a lot of hope there.

Wait! Let me tell you where this hope starts dying, the moment you are lucky enough to be invited for an interview. I will recount of a day I went for an interview and immediately my eyes met those of the interviewer I knew I wasn’t going to get this job. What she said is what puzzled me more. “…David you know I like your confidence and I think you have what it takes but what you lack is the experience….” tarara tara, she went on and on with sweet wording. After that I thought, if only all interviewers say was real. Huh! God knows. I remember a time I did an online assessment for some organization and after submitting it I haven’t heard from them ever, never mind the HR had already congratulated me for landing a job before asking me to do the online quiz. Actually my whole family had already known that I was changing offices. Poor me!

That’s just the bit I feel like talking about, there is much more, a lot that would make one want to quit and start a business like a friend of mine who decided to sell “gunias”. You know what I mean, I have thought of joining the “mjengo” just on my way out of the estate. Oh! I forgot, at least I have something to do as I make these numerous application. That brings me to the ultimate point. I am lucky enough and as it is I know there are great things in the offing. That feeling I call stupid is not stupid and like the last interviewer I was with told me all that effort isn’t going to waste. With each cover letter I write, I become a better person, with each interview I attend I become a brighter person and with each disappointment I get through this, I am made stronger and more equipped for the next challenge on the track. See, it’s never that bad and as I once told my girlfriend, most of the time we choose to concentrate on the gloominess the gathered clouds bring, refusing to give the light at the horizon a chance to shine through our tears and bring forth the beauty of the rainbow. I was bright there, wasn’t I? That should go into some quotes book. Soon, very soon my “stupid” hope will be fulfilled and that office I will sit in, coz this, I believe in. Watch this space and for Public eerrr…professionals better watch out for this force.